Me: my least favourite subject. Always has been, always will. If I ever need to be interrogated, forget water boarding or gonadal electrocution; just say 'So, Paul, tell us about yourself.'
If you didn't just gather, my name is Paul. I'm an Englishman that has recently moved to America. The reason for this move from a slightly depressed but relatively stable economy, where I held a good, well paid job, to the bubbling cauldron that is a country seemingly on the brink of self-destruction, is simple: a big pair of tits. Well, that's a bit of a simplification. Actually, it was to get married to my now wife, who just so happens to be American. And has a big pair of tits.
We 'dated' for three years (not sure if dated is the correct term to use when you live four thousand miles apart) but it was only at the beginning of May this year that I finally upped sticks and moved across to America. We have now been married for nearly two months, during which time we haven't argued very much.
When you start living together you start to find out all the wonderful little things about each other. Some of them we already knew; for instance, I knew wifey (as I like to call her when writing about her) possessed the ability to worry about ANYTHING. When there is nothing to worry about, she worries that there is nothing to worry about. I'm the complete opposite, which I suppose is a good thing - we balance each other out. However, I also now know that she likes to talk in her sleep (mostly gibberish), she occasionally snores in a soft, endearing manner that can be stopped by holding her nose and she likes to tidy my things away so I can never find anything. In return, my faults include burping extremely loudly and without warning, making a mess and not worrying about things, such as the impending collapse of Western Civilisation.
So far, I'd say it has the potential for a good marriage. She's the stable, rational minded one and I'm what I like to term 'The Idiot'. For instance, I'm currently waiting for a work permit so I can get work here. At the same time, I'm heckling the President of the United States on Twitter. Probably not a good idea.
Oh, and one more thing - my main fault is that I have an over-active imagination and strange, strange thoughts. I used to put them on Facebook until people stopped talking to me; now I put them on Twitter. If you want to get an idea of how aimlessly my brain steers a path through the ocean of life, Twitter gives you a pretty good idea. I'm straightblueuk on there.
I better go and do a bit more writing - wifey is at work, so it's an ideal time to knock out another 1,000 words or so.